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Fun Page 1

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April 1st, 2009

Shatner to Play Captain April in Upcoming Movie - exclusive interview with Olaf Sporil - some revealing news inside!

 

Enterprise's "Bold New Direction"?

 

Top ten things that could have ended Star Trek

10. Voyager finally comes home, chased by the Borg, Krenim, Voth, Hirogen, Devore, Vaadwaur and Species 8472 who, in a joined effort, conquer the Alpha quadrant.

9. Data's famous last words when he discovers a decloaking and firing warbird: "Oh shit, it's green".

8. Q's son plays "planet pool" in Federation space.

7. Someone mistakenly uses the starship CGIs of Babylon 5 for Star Trek. Update: Actually, this has already happened, notice that the incursion ship from "Year of Hell" looks like the Babylon 5 station...

6. Morn begins to talk and there's no way of stopping him.

5. The Borg send more than one cube to assimilate the Federation while Jean-Luc is on vacation on the Ba'ku planet.

4. The Borg suddenly replace the cubes with huge round starships looking like small moons, and they wear white plastic uniforms and helmets.

3. The whole galaxy is trapped in a time loop so "The Cage" can be announced as a brand new episode. Update: I'm afraid that's no joke anymore since something like that will happen in the Abrams movie.

2. The Enterprise-F is commissioned, a starship with five warp nacelles and under the command of Captain Wesley C.

1. The Ferengi join the Federation and force all women to be naked all the time. The American television networks will have to boycott the show.

 

Top ten things that never happened on Voyager

10. Janeway encounters Q and asks him to take the ship home.

9. Janeway takes any chance to get home.

8. Voyager is attacked, and none of the crew is hurt by an exploding plasma conduit.

7. Voyager is not attacked.

6. At the end of an episode, Voyager is in better shape than at the beginning.

5. Voyager encounters a completely intact Borg cube and is immediately destroyed like usual starships.

4. Voyager runs out of shuttles/crew members.

3. A shuttle gets into an electromagnetic atmospheric turbulence. However, the excellent pilot named Janeway/Chakotay/Tuvok can land the shuttle safely.

2. The crew are forced to play in a Shakespeare drama instead of just loitering in the holodeck.

1. Neelix discovers the secret of tasteful clothing.

 

Ten more things that never happened on Voyager suggested by Martin Schulz

10. Compatibility problems with alien technology cannot be solved.

9. For once, alien technology is to Voyager's benefit.

8. Voyager returns after 70 years and the crew consists of a colorful bunch of human/alien half-breeds born on the ship.

7. Janeway learns that bending the rules does not necessarily mean breaking the rules.

6. A battle is lost because the weak point of the vastly superior enemy is not found.

5. Janeway realizes that it is better to avoid the territory of a vastly superior enemy. "No chance - we're gonna fight it out. Let the Prime Directive be damned."

4. Small injuries of main characters such as blindness, disease or trivialities like death cannot be undone.

3. Someone needs more hairspray than Janeway.

2. Chakotay and Janeway

1. A new female crew member comes on board who looks better than Seven of Nine.

 

Even more things that never happened on Voyager

10. The crew needs more than one week to accomplish a major technological breakthrough.

9. Another wormhole is detected, but this time Harry Kim is not excited about it at all.

8. Seven realizes that Voyager has been in the Beta Quadrant already for months.

7. Tom notices that his Delta Flyer is taller than the shuttlebay door. But after all, he is a good pilot.

6. Janeway wakes up, only to realize that the whole 5th to 7th season was a dream, and all the events in "Year of Hell" did actually take place.

5. B'Elanna creates holographic projections of the crew to attend the Doctor's slide shows.

4. The cryogenic chambers or the cloning lab are shown. The many crew members must come from somewhere, unless the lower ranks are frequently surgically altered.

3. Tom is demoted to crewman for not switching off the lights in shuttlebay 2, wherever this may be.

2. Harry and Seven

1. Janeway suffers a caffeine shock.

 

The Sacrifice of Budget by Thorsten Schumacher and Bernd Schneider

 

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