Fun Page 3
The A-Class Shuttle
Who was visionary here: Star Trek,
or rather Mercedes-Benz?
(image by Thorsten Wieking)
Top ten fun things to do aboard a Borg cube
10. Return the drones' favor and blind them with a laser pointer.
9. Make a shuttle race around the central core.
8. Replay Janeway’s words "That’s how I prefer the Borg. In pieces." every hour.
7. Occasionally create false sensor readings of Species 8472.
6. Record "We are the Borg", "You will be assimilated" and "Resistance is futile" and make it into a hip-hop song.
5. Let them assimilate a Windows PC.
4. As soon as a Borg enters the alcove for regeneration, play "Silent Night".
3. Put 100W light bulbs into the lamp shades of the alcoves.
2. Program all nanoprobes to create collective diarrhea.
1. Fill the tubes to a Borg’s mouth with helium and let him say "Resistance is futile".
Top ten fun things to do aboard a Klingon Bird-of-Prey
10. Turn the cargo bay into an aquarium.
9. Take a dentist with you who may earn a fortune.
8. Embarrass the captain by asking how long his ship actually is.
7. Call the decorator who designed the Galaxy-class bridge to make some improvements.
6. Ask the older crew members when they had their forehead surgery.
5. Occasionally play Tribble squeaks from your tricorder.
4. Fry the gagh and serve it with ketchup.
3. Secretly uninstall the cloaking device and use it to hide your comfortable mattress.
2. Move the wings up and down until they break off.
1. Pour a few cans of strawberries into the bloodwine.
Top ten fun things to do aboard a Vulcan ship by Tenniru
10. Keep scanners trained for bald geniuses traveling at the speed of light.
9. Let Porthos into the captain's quarters.
8. Replace the Surak statue's lower robe with a toilet.
7. When Sarek comes aboard, ask "Aren't you that Romulan captain?"
6. Ask them when the next trip to the 1900s will be.
5. Whenever a crewman corrects your logic, accuse them of being emotional.
4. Leave a whoopee cushion on the captain's chair.
3. Show a picture of an egg on the viewer, and say "This is your brain." Then show a picture of a zombie and say "This is your brain on Trellium-D."
2. Steal the tractor beam.
1. Show clips of T'Pol saying that time travel is impossible, and then point and laugh.
Top ten fun things to do aboard a Romulan Warbird by William Kappler
10. Buy gold pips to replace your silver ones.
9. Swap the cloaking device with a photon torpedo.
8. Translate the computer core into Klingon.
7. Toss things into the quantum singularity to see if it will fill up.
6. Turn the navigation computer upside-down so that the ship enters Federation space.
5. Drink all the Romulan ale and replace it with Mountain Dew.
4. Set the main transponder to send out the ship's position when cloaked.
3. Call the Ferengi and tell them that you will pay 4,000 bars of Latinum to the first one that can make the commander smile.
2. Tell the crew that the Praetor coming to visit them.
1. Sing Klingon opera over the main comm system for 8 hours.
The Forty-Seven Weirdest Search Terms (as of 2001)
My server logs give me the opportunity to see how people came to my website. Many of them found EAS through Altavista, Google or other search engines, usually with search terms like "starship images" or "Enterprise blueprints". However, sometimes people obviously don't find what they were looking for. There are, for instance, many "<insert female Trek character> nude" searches returning results because the word "nude" can occasionally be found on pages with episode descriptions. Here are the weirdest searches that led to EAS (some mild adult language here):
45. andrea landru
43. ARA Dental Laboratories
42. "DUMB NATIVES"
38. room size vs tv size
37. tchaikovsky bride of
36. astrix pictures
35. illustrated "first time" stories
34. "Photographs of bullet holes"
32. www.nude klingons.com
31. strange mathematics
28. OLD FASHIONED BATHTUBS
27. "red hair men"
26. +casimir +effect +dangerous
25. blown challenger pic
24. row boat star trek
22. "women are taller"
17. cage fights for women
16. suaheli cannon
8. jeri+ryan+%2b%22high+resolution%22+-nude (Note the "-" in front of "nude" which is a "+" in all other searches!)
7. awful frontpage
6. drawing impossible shapes
5. nude rock climbing
2. ESCORTS IN AMARILLO
1. time traveling devices AND bathtubs