by Bernd Schneider

Fun

Weekly Sev Trek Cartoon

Top ten signs that Star Trek will be shut down soon

10. Voyager returns home, pursued by a dozen of new enemy fleets that begin to conquer the Alpha quadrant.

9. Data's famous last words when he detects a decloaking and firing Warbird: "Oh shit, it's green".

8. Q's son plays "planet pool" in Federation space.

7. Someone of the special effects staff confuses the starship CGI's of Star Trek with those of Babylon5.

6. Morn begins to talk and cannot be stopped.

5. The Borg send more than one cube to assimilate the Federation while Jean-Luc is on holiday on a remote planet.

4. The Borg suddenly introduce huge round starships and wear white plastic uniforms and helmets.

3. The whole galaxy is trapped in a time loop so "The Cage" can be announced as a brand new episode.

2. The Enterprise-F is commissioned, a Nova class starship with a warp-nacelle-forward design and under the command of Captain Wesley C.

1. The Ferengi join the Federation and force all women to be naked all the time. Consequently, the American television has to shut down the show.

Top ten things that will never happen on Voyager

10. Janeway encounters Q and asks him to take the ship home.

9. Janeway takes any chance to get home.

8. Voyager is attacked, and none of the crew is hurt by an exploding plasma conduit.

7. Voyager is not attacked.

6. At the end of an episode, Voyager is in better shape than at the beginning.

5. Voyager encounters a completely intact cube and is immediately destroyed like usual starships.

4. Voyager runs out of shuttles/crew members.

3. A shuttle gets into an electromagnetic atmospheric turbulence. However, due to the excellent pilot abilities of Janeway/Chakotay/Tuvok the shuttle lands safely.

2. The crew are forced to play in a Shakespeare drama instead of just loitering in the holodeck.

1. Neelix discovers the secret of tasteful clothing.

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Last changed: 21.01.98